Honestly.

I have a meeting with my immediate boss tomorrow.
I am over being complacent.
The stand happens now. I am over being quiet...sitting with my tongue tied in the knots fastened by polite etiquette. Who said a passionate life was proper? Who deemed that it must never stray from the path of the heart?

I have voices telling me many different ways to play this...
..this job...this life...this "now"...

..the everything that is me. So sorry this quiet, tittering mouse that I have become. Sad and sorry and sour. Hastening the numbness with routes and discipline. With the "should have" and "can't have"'s...I despise those fucking quotation marks, those symbols that corral us, that dictate what I can say and to whom and even when.

Hate. How lovely it would be to loose the tongue...to actually say what it is that is there... that is housed within...that has burrowed deep in the hopes that it will appreciate in value.

I shall let you know the outcome...

FUCK! If only I could guarantee that my nerve didn't falter...
...