Costa Rica, here I come...

So, my mind is made up. Yes, no turning away from this one....

I want to go to Costa Rica.



Found a nice little (well, not so little, it is a 4 bedroom, 4.5 bath villa) house on the west coast of the country to rent in May. I know that it is probably horribly escapist of me, but fuck it. I deserve to run away...to get a bit lost in the misty place that is along the outskirts of my vision lately...

I think I have earned it...NAY! I need it.

I want to stay home and read and write tonight...I have this bubbling up of emotion and expression that (more than likely) will spill over into a conversation and bang a HARD left away from the original intent of the whole situation if I don't try to rope it in...

This work conference has left me thinking more than I would have ever expected, however, enjoying many moments of introspection and using newly found means of exploring the emotions that seems to run rampant through me as of late. Damn my self control...damn my over active mind, damn my ever present morality, damn it all. ALL. Am I more grounded? More happy for being the way I am? I doubt it. I seem to spend so much more time being proactive that I have lost the joy in reacting. (On a much lamer note, I hate the fact that I work in such a reactive profession...I think it makes me thrive on controlling my personal life which means, in the basest sense, that I have no sense of the spontaneity of life itself.....shouldn't I be angry at that response...?)

Anyhow, I am slightly drunk as this wonderfully spontaneous girl I just met downstairs bought me a sake bomb (which, of course I never do as they get me drunk and I have an aversion to drinking carbonated beverages quickly) and I drank it.

I shouldn't go out, but I might.

Then again, I might just stay home and write.
I wrote about a chapter in my mental conversations walking to work....if only there was a mental data recorder. Then I never would forget the moment and my intrinsic response...

I have been enjoying staying in though...sleep is my new buddy... ha!
I should sleep to start the day fresh tomorrow...