The way it be, homie..

OK so I was at work today, and had an epiphany: Americans SUCK! Generally speaking, we are ignorant and rediculously over-confident, self-aggrandizing fools. I work in a store where, as unfortunately seperatist as it is, you must be a certain body type to shop in it. We do not make clothing for 'everyone', we are not a one-stop for an entire family, and by all means, we do not proport to provide such to anyone.

Now, up to this point in my life, having worked in retail for many years now, I thought that I had arrived at my ZEN spot: the place in my professional life where I was comfortable and could find a positive perspective in just about any situation. Well, these last 2 weeks have throroughly dragged that theory through the muck. And I will be honest, it has reshaped my outlook on the future of America.

I work in a upper class area. We have a "typical" customer, we have those who desire to be in that group and frequent our shop but are limited in their spending, and then we have our American Tourists.

FUCK! If they don't do their best to ruin it for everyone!

They hate that we don't carry their size (anything over a US 10)
They hate low rise jeans (which, buy the way, is EVERY JEAN MANUFACTURED IN THE WORLD TODAY WITH THE EXCEPTION OF JCPENNEY'S HOUSE BRAND)
They hate that our logo calls to mind a curse word
They hate that our models in the graphics look 14
They hate that we only let them into the fitting room with only 4 items at a time
They hate that their sister, mother and babystroller cannot all come into the room with them
They hate that our prices are so high
They hate that we don't have a sale going on
They hate that we ask if they need help
They hate that we aren't angry New Yorkers (as they expected)
They really really hate that they were wrong and we don't argue with them
They hate that we don't have a public restroom
They hate that our clothes dont fit them 'right'
They hate that we will jump in to help them get their size (to curb them from throwing things on the floor)
AND THEY LOOOOOAAAATTTTHHHHHEEEEEEE when we smile

Their only way to handle these offenses: Overdramatic "huffs" and chortles with the rest of their herd.

I have realized that the typical American HATES alot of really REALLY superficial things. And therefore I have begun to hate the typical American.

Call me prejudice, but now when I see someone walk into my store, I can tell within 1 minute if they are an American tourist visiting New York, or from outside the US.

Where do we get off with this sense of entitlement WITHIN OUR OWN COUNTRY? I mean, come on, if you are going to be elitist, at least snub a 3rd world nation or something. Act like you are better than people when you visit Mozambique or something. But I now see that the Americans who buy into this whole lifestyle, are incapable of changing their behavior to fit the situation. They are ignorant regardless of people, place or thing.

These people look down their nose at me like I am the scum of the earth that got stuck to the bottom of their KEDS that they got 75% off at a Target outlet ("Yeah, thats right, Betty! I got them in baby blue too!!! I love a sale!") And they trash my store to show their superiority over someone they think is a loser because they aren't overweight, in a house with 3 kids, a loveless marriage and debt. Because they only 'work in a store...must not have finished school...poor things..."

You know what I say to that?

Get some fucking perspective, Americans.

Lose some weight. Our clothes are designed to fit a body that is shaped like a BODY IS SUPPOSED TO BE SHAPED. Not as a pear, but ...like a body that is healthy. We don't make clothes for unhealthy people, let's get that straight right away.

Respect anyone who offers help to you, who obviously need it. Only a truly defensive person shoves away a helping hand. That, or one who is embarassed or too proud.

Be respectful of another's space. You wouldnt walk into someone's house and trash it. What is so different about someone's shop?

Remember the person serving your food or helping you in the fitting room is a fucking human. No one should talk to people in their place of work or play rudely. Period. It is simply something that I find inexcusable.

Finally, the greatest sign of strength is showing appreciation for others in a sincere manner.

If you will act this way when you are visiting one of the smartest, richest, most vibrant cities in your own country.... is there any reason why the world wouldn't look twice at us when we bat our lashes and say..." Hey there, can we come visit???"

YAY!

Just decided on a roomate for the summer....my life is non-stressed again!

Now, all i have to think about is MEXICO next week!!!

YAY!!!

Why?

Why? The one question we all pose daily. We murmur this solitary word through tears and smiles, asking it with eyes full of longing and complete fulfillment. Regardless of station or situation this query haunts our thoughts. Maybe we all do not ask the same questions or follow the marks circulating in our minds and falling off our tongues with the next logical step: a hypothesis. But, as I view the small tract of earth that I have paused upon, it seems some do not even ask the question at all.

I know that a basic human flaw is to apply one’s self to the whole…use one’s self as a map of the masses, which inadvertently wraps those around you within the warm realm of familiarity…transferring one’s patterns, rationale, intelligence, curiosity, drive and values to others as one deems them as normal and therefore correct.

Which is where I feel my feet stick to the floor a bit, and the puzzle becomes more awkward for me. For it seems that not enough people question their surroundings. The complacent know the word, but it seems to be used as more of a tool for description, adding emphasis to woe or ecstasy. Or perhaps it is merely that to ask the questions means to commit to the search for their answers. Does that mean that the silent are satisfied with their lot? Does it imply laziness on the part of those who simply accept what lies before them without poking or prodding or changing their angle of view?

Why? Why am I who I am? Why are humans so easily misled? Why is it right for some to exist in bliss while conducting themselves in the most heinous of ways? Why are we weak? Why is language so subjective? Why does love avoid some while others cross it but do not see it for what it is? Why is being right often so painful? Why can I feel what others cannot seem to fathom? Why are we all here together and why do we all still feel so alone? Why do some profess the profound to hide their ignorant and confused sense of self? Why do others construct walls of solitude when what they offer could benefit multitudes? Why is it so hard? Why does fate tempt and time torture the romantic? Why is it better to judge the end by measure and not by means? Why is passion and longing cast as fleeting emotions created in uteri but then are thrown aside once the union has been born and begins to age? Why are some so talented at describing pain yet manipulate the empathy of others with it for personal gain?

Why am I ever pausing, catching my breath before I speak, especially to you? Why is it that some are not ready to hear what I have to say but I only want to shout it out above all of this droll noise? Why do I feel invisible some days? Why can’t you see what I see? Why don’t some people have the patience to pay attention to the important things? And why are the most important things always the most basic? Why is it always the easy road that the average person opts to traverse and why is it easier to blame the engineer of the road when we find it doesn’t take us to our desired destination?

Why?

If we or I were to continue with a specific subject here I could fill this book with questions about that one topic. What drives me onward is that I know I ask with the passion to seek the answers.

Why is faith questioned yet fact is blindly accepted? Even scientists reel at the observations and proven theories that have, in time, been revealed as flawed misconceptions and otherwise erroneous observations.

I do not profess to follow and organized public belief system, but I do know that I can and must question and respectfully acknowledge that which I cannot explain and that I am humbled by the knowledge that there is so much in this universe that falls into that category.

Why do I wake up when he enters the building four floors below me? Why does my head ring when you think of me? Why do I pick up my phone moments before you call? Why do I seem to sense more and more each day? Why does it seem more likely that spirit and the intangible soul do persist throughout time? Why can’t you understand? Why?

And the congregation replies, “Because it is not for you to understand, it simply is and always will be so.”

One must question else lose oneself to the paddock of the docile and feeble. If no one bothered to ask, how would change ever occur? Why is that? Does it then stand to reason that by questioning one is not satisfied with their surroundings? And does this lack of satisfaction diminish one’s place in sustaining the whole? For how can something be whole without being wholly satisfied? Ahhh…. The question that is applicable in macro and micro, universal and subatomic. Can a society be whole if it is not wholly satisfied? Can a culture? A family? Can I? Can my body? Can my soul? Can my heart? Can my love? Can my life? Can my world? Can my universe? And then we are back to the beginning…to the question why.

Why: The question that begins all and sometimes ends all… the word that is the origin of change… the word that precedes even us. The word that transports us to the next: how?

Top Ten Politcs

(repost from election night...as relevant today as then)

Regime Change?

Yea, so on this eve of the installment of our same 'ol dude from crawfed texass, I figured I would list all the shit that I wanted him to change for me over the next 4 years he is in office.

1.insurance...if i have to get another BULLSHIT piece of crap day job or a job that requires me to work over 38.75 hours a week to be able to afford health coverage, i will be so disappointed. Seriously, you know how many people out there HATE their jobs but stay there because they cant afford insurance? The productivity of your population is directly relevant to their quality of life...i.e (moron) that if you make someone miserable in EITHER WAY (force them to work somewhere they hate, or make them bitter by over-charging them to be healthy) your economy suffers. Exporting jobs just makes your countrymen hate you too, so just fix it at home (or make your campaign contributors force their companies to). Busloads of old people smuggling drugs in from canada shouldnt be something you should worry about, so just fix it ok? I'd rather you not procrastinate over this in addition to procrastinating over the other things on my list. (This is the easy one)

2.Taxes: Use taxes to BETTER things for the population, not to pay for the FUCK UPS of your predecessors. I think each president should be fiscally responsible for their own actions. That would probably make you think longer and harder about who you appointed to your cabinet, huh? Probably make you think about your relationship to the rest of the globe, huh? If you tax cigarettes, fund cancer research with it. If you tax booze, pay for ads against drunk driving. If you tax ME, help me out a little...like, reset my credit report or something. I didnt sign up to pay for wack ass shit that I dont see the relevance in! I don't really want my taxes to pay for the Star Wars research we still owe that agency from 1983...I would rather my hard earned money go to pay someone's salary to run this country correctly, if you get my drift.

3. You are not going to convert me to your form of religion, so please stop trying. All these references and allusions and semantic games have got to stop. The sermons belong in church. You can be faithful and devout and have that come through in your actions while still being impartial. You can have values and not praise god at the beginning of every speech. I know you are playing to the masses. You credit your election to your faith. I credit it to alot of people who are christians. See, if they can put their faith in a notion that cannot be proven, its not a far stretch for them to put their faith in a man who is a member of their club. I would just appreciate substance, not flowery talk when I hear my president address me.

4. Stop feeding new slang into the media. I was watching a local new program today and the lady referred to terrorists possibly getting across the mexican boarder as "thugs"....a term now thrown all over the charts thanks to you saying that they are murderous thugs in Iraq blowing up their own people. STOP please stop. I want to become educated about what is happening in the world and my neighborhood, but its getting too hard to stomach the sensationalism that is now our news! I shouldnt have to go online to find unbiased information. Talk about propaganda!

5. If you police everyone else in the world and hold them to our standard, how can you get angry when some other country does the same? If you police the world, who is policing us? You assume that us Americans are capable of governing ourselves while you all are busy worrying about other countries. I got news for you - WE CAN'T. We pay you to make sure that WE are doing everything ok too. Don't be pissed off when an Iraqi volunteers to help liberate his country only to blow up a mess hall and kill some of our soldiers. We taught him how to do that by saying we were coming in to liberate them, only to set up our own form of government and establish a larger ally in the middle east. We taught him how to do that with our movies and cop dramas for christ sake! They lie, we lie, you lied. Get over it. We gained our country from britain with farmers and buck shot and strength in belief that we hated them. Do not lessen others' beliefs just because they differ from your own. We have seen how a small, unlikely group can persevere over the favorite. Don't forget that.

6. Cut a little fucking red tape. Permits and applications and forms and... i mean by the time i filed all the reports about my car getting stolen, I was over the fact it was fucking stolen! Noise ordinances? Shit you LIVE in a city where your neighbor is 4.5 INCHES from your wall....YES THERE WILL BE NOISE! Back in the day if it was too noisy you asked ACK ACK to be quiet and he either did or he beat your ass and you moved to a cave farther away. None of this "ill call the cops, ill have you fined, ill sue your ass..." i thought the legal system was to protect you from harm, not to be used as blackmail to get your way!

7. Fund higher eduction. fuckit FUND ALL EDUCATION like your life depended on it, because it truly does. Children ARE our mother fucking future (whitney got something right, way to go whitney). How many little people out there could potentially create something to improve our future? who knows, but they may never get a chance. People save money their whole life to send their kids to school here in the United States and then, when they graduate, they go back to their country to try to better it. When we send our kid to school here, they leave and have no clue what to do with their degree! There is something wrong here. Either the system is fucked up or we are breeding LAZY ASS kids.

8. Work on the environment, please. I could go on for days on this one so i will keep it short. you gotta grasp the fact that nature is extremely important and should always be considered before 'the bottom line'. My water sucks, my air sucks, my trees are gone...hell, pretty soon 'healthy human' will be on the endangered list.

9. Encourage diversity. I know you say it, but mean it. Narrow views breed ignorance, and it is not bliss. You may not like everyone or their views but at least be open to meeting them and listening. The human response is to fear what it doesnt understand, so encourage people to try to understand things that are new and different. It is so frustrating to be around people who spew ignorant remarks about something or someone that they dont understand. That is why most of the world considers Americans arrogant, we feel we are better than others but don't even truly understand who the 'others' are or what they are about.

10. Support families. I wasnt rich, I wasnt even middle class, but i think i came out ok. Its important to fully grasp the concept that a bad family can only breed more bad families. Be tough on deadbeat dads, abusers, dilinquents, offenders. Put the child first. I think we try to do this, but can do better. There are bad parents out there. There are people who dont know how to do anything other than what they saw when they were growing up. Only a few make it out....only a few break that cycle. Whether it is violence or racism or arrogance, ALL these things can create people who in the end cause more problems than they are worth.


SO basically this reads as a rant. After re-reading it, its also a list of "Reasons Why I didnt vote for Bush" in the first place. hahaha. There are other things I hope he addresses, of course, but I think this time, THIS TERM, he needs to change alot of things. His effect on this country will be judged on what he does THIS time around. More of the same, just says he can't learn from the past and enjoys passing the buck to the next guy. If that turns out to be the case, christians....its on you...

(Worried yet?)

I must be a New Yorker at this point....

Everyday I am astounded at the stupidity of almost everyone who is not from New York who meanders through this city. It is a wonder more tourist pedestrians arent run down by cabs or pummelled by us city dwellers as we make our way to work! Seriously, New Yorkers definately have built in radar or a rear view mirror or something...we instinctually move aside when we sense someone who is walking faster approaching from behind us, we single file most of the time and walk on an appropriate side of the sidewalk...yes, we dash around slow pokes but that is to be expected.. I mean, some people are just in a rush, you know? I just need to ask some questions so bear with me...

WHO stops in the middle of the damn sidewalk to LOOK UP? what kind of person ARE YOU, for god sake?

WHO walks 5 across on a sidewalk that clearly is made with the intent of dual direction traffic? are you MAD?

WHO stops and blocks a corner when the hand started flashing only seconds ago? Lunatics, I tell you, thats who does that... loonies and people with broken hips..

and lastly WHO can't walk and sip coffee at the same time at a normal pace?

People, you need to take some walking lessons ASAP and preferrably BEFORE you make your trip to NYC else you might get cursed at and leave our fair city thinking that all New Yorkers are assholes! (which obviously we aren't, we are just frustrated by your inability to adapt to reality without cars)


Word to the wise: Walk briskly, step to the side, and if you have coffee... tilt it foreward while you walk it wont slosh out of the sippy hole... Basics, true, but it might just save you from a pissed off blond on her way to work on Prince Street one day...

fin.

It isn't the money, it's the numbers...

can I just say that LOST is a great show? Too bad it took an entire season to get to the meat of the matter! Seems like they were dicking around for the last 20 days on that island until ecko had his dream. The only other mentionable is Henry Gale, who packed less punch than his potential. I will have to say that it was a little disappointing to see that everything that the fanboards have been knee-deep in discussion about for the last year or so is the direction that the writers have taken it. Maybe that is a cue for me to stop visiting the boards. the THF game is an interesting diversion, though.

If you couldnt see that it was an "experiment" in some way or fashion after ethan, the medical hatch, the costumes, etc..then you are an idiot. ha...seriously.

I still am addicted to the show, don't get me wrong. The creepiness, X-files-ish feel is gone though (replaced by a all-too-common current day voyeur fetish handful of secret people which smacks of the evesdropping government overbearance we have seen of late.)

My issue is that it is playing to the lowest common denominator, leaving us devout to watch, watch and rewatch the episodes for the slightest HINT of something that we can work into a new theory.

I love the characters.... but, with the exception of ecko and bernard, the tailies were a waste of my time. Ana's character.. rediculous. Libby was at least interesting to me since I thought that she was full of shit from the beginning and I was just waiting for her lies to come out in the open. If it wasn't for Locke, this show would have no appeal to me other than the hotness of Jack and Sawyer...I have been chomping at the bit for another episode based on him. Hurley's story is good but has lost flavor without more emphasis on the numbers.

What is getting harder to do though, as a viewer is to remember that they have only been on the island for 50+ days...not the 2 years it has taken us to get to this point of the storyline. They may not be in purgatory but it is the same concept for the most part. Taking someone who has strayed from their path and misplaced their self-worth and dropping them into a scenario where those beliefs are challenged and forced to the side for the greater good. Bettering the self through an involuntary change in environment. Getting back to the basics, as it were...

Just:
-PLEASE don't end every season with a hatch....annoyingly familiar.
-I dont think that it is important to see in flashbacks at the airport our main characters running into each other....i mean come on...of course they would see each other before their flight.
-I want to see conflict of character...not petty shit...no "you slept with ana lucia...oh no poor me'
- and where the fuck is the monster? black smoke or whatever the fuck it was..
- i think the numbers RULE...period. Can't get enough..so bring them back
- until this last episode i havent got goosebumps since a wet walt was talking backwards (which by the way was AWESOME!) but the writers did a good job this time...

anyway
i digress
stop pussyfooting around and bring out the guns every episode...even if they are bb guns versus the bazookas for the finale..

much love
your fan
me

MyWTF?

So ... who are these people who repost all these BULLSHIT MySpace bulletins? And HOW do they get away with wasting all that time at work filling out all those idiotic questionnaires and surveys? Why are they not fired? From being considered normal? I just dont get it...... myspace is a fun little world to keep people in contact with each other...do I CARE why you think that your #6 in your Top 8 is cooler than #2 or who has the more bitchin' ride : #4 or #7? Jesus people, when did this happen? Was I asleep? Was I drunk? No...I remember ... I WAS AT WORK ACTUALLY WORKING LIKE THE REST OF THE 'REAL' WORLD...

Holy frickin' christ!

It's like passing those lame ass notes in elementary school all over again... the ones where you had to circle the right answer...

1. Who do you like ? JIMMY STEVE (circle one)
2. Would you swallow? YES NO (circle one)
#. Do you think that the teacher has clamidia? MAYBE NO WAY (circle one)

Are we so bored that we have to revert to forcefeeding our supposed friends with the reasons why we think that they are cool? Are we THAT fucking insecure?

I thought a bulletin was exactly that...a BULLETIN! You know, something important to point out to people....a reminder, per say...not a self aggrandizing dribbly diatribe about what you think other people see you as. IF THEY ARE ON YOUR FRIENDS LIST....THEY PROBABLY KNOW YOU...enough to seek you out to be a friend. I dont want to know what you are feeling while you are bored at work....I like you how I see you...otherwise I wouldnt have stuck around you. People, wake up and stop trying to find things to keep yourself occupied with that have NO MEANING WHATSOEVER! Shit, if you are that bored with your life.... move...change jobs....uh, get a really wierd hobby...

THAT, my friends, says more about you than any stupid survey or repost.

I bet all you who do these things are also frequent 'forward'ers of emails....fucking hell... I hate you all....

(Side note: your MySpace page should NEVER be a topic of conversation while you are at dinner with friends either....FIND SOMETHING CONTRUCTIVE TO TALK ABOUT FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! If I have to sit next to one more group of tittering women sipping wine talking about how they HAVE to get home and check their myspace page to see what so-and-so commented back...I will puke up my bean curd... or trout...last night it would have been trout)

*wink*

Now entering the ring....

So I guess I got this itch to start a blog so I can vent and get words out to everyone who has interest in my life and how it is progressing from this point. For those of you, just tuning back into my life, let me catch you up.

(announcer)
Previously on iamcarriemiller...

-Moved to NYC 2 years ago this July.
-Now working as a Co-Manager at French Connection at their US flagship store in SOHO
-Endlessly working on photography in my spare time
-About to have a showing in the next month at Galla
-Enjoying supporting my love and his success with his band
-Trying hard to travel more and experience as much as possible with him in his downtime off tour


and that is about up to date for you all.

Go to my photo site: http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamcarriemiller to see what i have been shooting lately

and the rants will start....online diary, nyc life commentary commencing... now...