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The party last night was pretty good. Basically 'twas the peanut gallery. Was a good night and a sober one for me and not so much a sober one for others. HA. Actually, the night was entertaining...Miles and Andrew making sweet love though their gazes, Jenna dishing the tunes and high pitched banter, Sara was exhausted, and Swedish Sara was making out with that Jeb dude and going into the bathroom with him, thereby thoroughly pissing off Dee.

Ah, good times.

The pictures are decent, though. I need to bug Miles about medium format cameras. I would love one, but I am petrified of investing in something that I will fuck up.

Funny how many people are just wallowing, though. I saw a good deal of wallowing last night. Some more than others.

One voice stood out, and it was a refreshing thing to hear, but minority rules generally do not apply when you are out and well, companionship and conversation are potent lures for vice and exception.

I don't want to be that person in the same seat in the bar always talking about the same shit and wanting to do it, but never following through. I also don't want to be that person who is so angry with what they are, that they find anything to preoccupy themselves from addressing the reality that change can sometimes be the saving option to a lifetime of misery. And miserable people create misery for the people that surround them. I might need to take a break from a few people for a bit and be around people who understand a bit more of what I need. Not in a selfish way, taking from whomever whatever it is I need, but being around people who understand what it is that I am trying to do, trying to become.

I need to work on that confidence thing as well. I am doing good at texting less and talking more. Talking more without the aide of alcohol should be the amended resolution. I am doing an ok job of it so far.

Might just say "fuck it" and change a lot of things this year. I am going to work on my next tattoo tonight I think. Yes? Yes.
Tea.
Shower.
Read.
Photos.
Tattoo.
Night Cap.
Bed.

I am such a damn planner haha, where is my instability? Where is the spontaneous hand outstretched into the unknown darkness...eager to find what is out there waiting. Good or bad.

Perhaps I will reach out soon. Feel along the wall for support and run into something interesting out there.

Yes? Yes.