Oh, what big eyes you have...

...the meaning of which is two-fold at the moment.

Currently, I sit on the couch watching a movie, sipping a glass of white wine, STUFFED to the gills. If I had buttons on these pajama bottoms I would undo them. Wonton Garden,Chinatown, NYC - you are an evil lair of gluttony.

Also randomly referencing Little Red Riding Hood's nemesis which is very obscurely relevant...(insert witty comment here...>)__________.

I am off tomorrow, must go to another store to support a manager for a little bit around noon-ish, but other than that...perhaps haircut...perhaps museum, perhaps LOST premiere episode at Professor Thom's...and definately Apocalyptico at about 10-11ishhhhhh. See how many friends I can document getting wasted this month. Yeeeowza. HA.

Going to read a bit and hit the damn sack.
Ponder.The.Yonder.
Top off the glass...ensure quick slumber..rapid entry into sleep cycle. Falling falling falling into it, studying how it tears into me.
Again, will I dream? Can I work it out in the dark? Mathematics, chemistry...the creation of worlds, universes.
Pretty pretty things that shine. Like the universe though, light can be deceiving ...rushing towards it is when you realize it might be farther away than you thought.

:/

OK. Time for bed, freak. Enough rambling for this evening. *grin*

From or to...I don't fucking know...

Driving out of something that blinded me....wiping clear the film so settled on my looking glass...This picture reminds me...always look in your rear view mirror...see what you have behind you...from what canal you have birthed this journey.

God, I love this picture. For more reasons than are words at this point in the evening. I am buying a large scale print of it. I feel I should give it as gifts to several people. Perhaps it is just my outlook...my observations of late...

I won't label my mood.... as I am too tired to be objective.

More in the morning.
For tonight, I ponder this photo....
I hope to dream...

Pre or Post?

My face hurts. Jaw hurts. Clenching it tight at night probably isn't helping.
Grinding away my stress.

I have been having dreams lately that I can actually remember. Strange. They involve running from something, towards something else. Observing the world, traveling ... dissecting faith and fear and love, taking up arms against the deep black that races towards me head on. They have been vivid.

I have trying to sleep more, drink less. I think it has only made me get drunker with less booze and become cranky without 10+ hours of sleep in a given night.

Lost, lost, lost.
Photos are here.
I thought I was going to have to call this place and scream for hours to get back my money.
Took them long enough.
I ordered these things on 1/2/08.
Precisely.
Long ass time.

My ear is ringing.
I wonder if they are good or bad...
The thoughts out there in the universe being thought about me at this moment.

Post inventory... pre something...

So shiny, so possible.

It comes fast and moves without sound.

And then races through the parched tissues of your life making every fiber now into tinder for some fire.

The reality is that most people don't recognize change as it happens. Somewhere within shifts start to occur and we dismiss them as mere flitters and flutters and set about trying to override them. Beasts of routine and regimen and complacency are we. Just accept the change. So many fight it. It can be very demanding with its reality but is more than likely sweet in its truth of head and heart.

The strong recognize the change. The strong dissect it, not to find its weakness in an effort to defeat it by bashing in its unkempt and brazen head but to learn its full impact, to hone its potential and to bring it naked to the surface.

Photos.
writing.
Reading.
Being me.


All good things.
Eh?
*smile*

....Ticker....

To recap:
this is how my night went (in order of conversation subjects):

1. work
2. grillz
3. soulmates/shitting yourself
4. Florida (the state, not the rapper Flo Rida)
5. dudes with huge cocks stretching the average sized vagina to longer than 4 inches
6. what aliens look like
7. the physics of intergalactic space travel
8. relationships
9. how cold it is outside
10. how I might go back to B Side later on...
11. inner monologue with myself regarding various issues of the day
12. food.
13. the movie I would see later on
14. the inner screaming match I had with the people in back of me at the theater who were fucking...or something like that...moaning...shifting around. Dude there were only 5 people in the damn theater...give me a freakin' break.
15. what I would say about the movie to anyone who asked. (Good, decent, not worthy of an Oscar but an interesting topic relevant to our current political state that most people are ignorant about.)
16. Goodnight.

Sunday

Oh yeah...football, couch, coffee and blanket. Pajamas ALL fucking day long.

For these things, Sundays rule.

I did work on about 20 photos, and send an email asking where some of my prints are...lost in the mail somewhere I assume.

Bed soon...rest my little head, rest up for a week of early mornings and hopefully not too many late nights.


Nick's party last night was super fun and a success....crazy night. Brooklyn is so different...but it was fun to go. The club is interesting....like a hollowed out cave....fun to dance, fun to run around like a crazy person for a night. But, Lord am I beat down today. That type of night is going to take me 2 days rest to recover from. Thanks so much, RedBull for reminding me why I fucking hate you so.

So. Tomorrow is Monday, new day new week. Maybe this week I will discover something that will bring me massive amounts of money, like a new planet or a rare coin on the street or maybe a famous person naked and drunk that I can extort.

See this movie

There Will Be Blood.
A wonderful film, totally sucked me in. Daniel Day-Lewis owns the entire screen. He is intense and complex yet a simple family man. He is frighteningly mean and bluntly capitalistic.

The score is near perfect for the picture. I just found out that the dude from Radiohead did it, Jonny Greenwood. Fucking - A.

The violence isn't gratuitous or even unnecessary but it is the result of real work hazards and passion for control. Daniel is simply chilling, his language, his intonation...

The reverend, Eli? Good, classic bible beating character but he is creep creep creepy. Calm and quiet, but when he snaps - shit. Pentecostals.

I am still digesting the movie. I think I will see it again. I had no idea it was so long until I tried to stand back up once the credits started to roll. HA! All crampy in the calves from sitting still for 3 hours.

It was fantastic. I highly recommend it. This and No Country for Old Men are my top 2 for 2007.

amazing and old

check this out.
Absolutely stunning

Who am I kidding - sheit.

Back to work...no changes. Still the nagging want to just be away from that place, those people. They are good people, but they need inspiration to be better than they are at the moment.

I need to think of something. Something to drive them, challenge them.

The store didn't crumble while I was gone, but it did not excel. A visit from executives showcased the floor manager's inability to have control, command the associates. Poor supervision leads to the associates bending the rules to an ever exceeding degree, continual poor supervision means that the manager is ever increasing the span of exception. Basically, the fucking fist needs to come down.

Anyway.

I sent another 10 photos off to be printed. Can't wait until they are in my hands! I also wrote and read a bit.

Advil PM and a good night's sleep helped me a bunch as well.

I'm about to head off to bed early again. Must be up at 6am to be at the store for 8am. Walk through with the VP of stores and the RM and a visual assistant.

Wish me luck.
*grin*

D70s' can print bigger

I had hoped the shots wouldn't lose quality, and they didn't! I will be sending about 10 more shots out to be printed. SO happy.

Very, very pleased.
I can't wait to frame them and have people want to have them on their wall.

-

The party last night was pretty good. Basically 'twas the peanut gallery. Was a good night and a sober one for me and not so much a sober one for others. HA. Actually, the night was entertaining...Miles and Andrew making sweet love though their gazes, Jenna dishing the tunes and high pitched banter, Sara was exhausted, and Swedish Sara was making out with that Jeb dude and going into the bathroom with him, thereby thoroughly pissing off Dee.

Ah, good times.

The pictures are decent, though. I need to bug Miles about medium format cameras. I would love one, but I am petrified of investing in something that I will fuck up.

Funny how many people are just wallowing, though. I saw a good deal of wallowing last night. Some more than others.

One voice stood out, and it was a refreshing thing to hear, but minority rules generally do not apply when you are out and well, companionship and conversation are potent lures for vice and exception.

I don't want to be that person in the same seat in the bar always talking about the same shit and wanting to do it, but never following through. I also don't want to be that person who is so angry with what they are, that they find anything to preoccupy themselves from addressing the reality that change can sometimes be the saving option to a lifetime of misery. And miserable people create misery for the people that surround them. I might need to take a break from a few people for a bit and be around people who understand a bit more of what I need. Not in a selfish way, taking from whomever whatever it is I need, but being around people who understand what it is that I am trying to do, trying to become.

I need to work on that confidence thing as well. I am doing good at texting less and talking more. Talking more without the aide of alcohol should be the amended resolution. I am doing an ok job of it so far.

Might just say "fuck it" and change a lot of things this year. I am going to work on my next tattoo tonight I think. Yes? Yes.
Tea.
Shower.
Read.
Photos.
Tattoo.
Night Cap.
Bed.

I am such a damn planner haha, where is my instability? Where is the spontaneous hand outstretched into the unknown darkness...eager to find what is out there waiting. Good or bad.

Perhaps I will reach out soon. Feel along the wall for support and run into something interesting out there.

Yes? Yes.

How is everybody?

Tonight is Apocalyptico...heading out to B-Side to take come photos for Jenna of her party. I hope there is good turnout. It is FRIGID outside. I know that might hinder the attendance.

Last night was fun. I drank about 2 beers more than I wanted to, but all in all it was a fun funkin' night.

Met Jenna and her friend Sara (from Sweden) at Satsko for dinner at about 7pm. Then headed over to the West Village to a frat bar (very bro) to see a friend's band play. They were awesome, as they always are. They had some crazy openers, though, the girl was a Jewel-esque folky singer...and her boyfriend (who opened right before Peculiar Gents) was a dread-locked guy in a wheelchair from St. Louis, who seemed like the blues was his second choice, metal being his first. It was good though, just different than the previous time I had seen them.

Steve's band is a super fun time, the songs are catchy and bluesy. He has a great fucking voice. Something that still surprises me when I hear him sing ha!

Then Jenna wanted to stop by this place Tom and Jerry's for a drink but it was too strong for me and I passed it off to Sara. Then quickly to B Side for a drink with Sara Ruthy and back to Satsko to end the night writing Haiku's with Derek, Aaron and Nick.

I was asleep by 2 but dammit, I am still tired.

No drinks tonight. I think I will cleanse a bit this week/end.

I did send a bunch of photos off to be printed yesterday which was awesome. I will be giving them away as belated presents.

I think I am over being around gossipy people though. I found that, aside from one excellent conversation, most of last night's talk was fodder.

Anyhoo...
If you are looking for something good to do tonight, swing through B Side. I will be there, having some sober fun and documenting other's drunken fun.

*smile*

Resolved

1. YO-GA. 2 times a week if possible... at least once a week, else I'm rubbish...
2. Text less and talk more. Face to face.
3. Get promoted or get a new job to be happier/healthier in life.
4. Write more... and more often.
5. Print more photos... yes, to show... but mainly to enjoy looking at :)
6. Live with passion, act with passion and speak with passion. Small talk and tongue biting be damned.

It was a long, obstacle strewn road this past year. More stressful than any before... even more than when I lived with someone who fucked with my head and my life and wound up going a bit insane at the very end. This year might have surpassed that in terms of tests and trials.

It also was the year that I made some amazing new friends, learned some things about myself that I want out of life, remembered things about myself that I had nearly forgotten about and began to think like an adult.

2008 should prove an interesting one.
I welcome it with a nap.
One must start the new year well rested, don't you know.